My take on the Twilight Saga.

It would make a good way to die a slow painful death. Every time you read the words: chiseled face, perfect face, beautiful face, awe-inspiring face, flawless face, and so on…you drink and then die of cirrhosis. Also, every time you come across a sentence in the book where Bella says, “Don’t go” “I love you more than life” or she’s conflicted about Edward/Jacob you give yourself a paper cut and therefore bleed to death.

There are four books in this series, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. And they all kind of stunk in their own way. The problem with these books, lie in the fact that you have to wade through 400 pages of the worst teen angst and pointlessness to get to one really good, well written chapter where something actually happens. Twilight was just good enough to keep me hanging on to New Moon…and I honestly don’t know why I kept reading after that.

I just really hated Bella. Shallow. Whiny. Boring. Edward…nice but also boring. Any of their heart-to-heart conversations made me want to pull out my eyelashes. Eventually, I just started skipping them entirely. People, who wants love that has that amount of extreme-codependence? Seriously! Bella should just get a needle and thread and stitch herself to Edwards “rock hard chest”. *barf*

The first book had good tension. But I certainly didn’t want to read three more books of that crud. “Where’s the beef?”

I would’ve enjoyed more character development. Less focus on that asinine relationship and more on the rest of the family or Jacob. Seriously. Jacob was a great character and his chapters in New Moon were fun.

Kudos to those of you that loved it. I guess I just didn’t get it. Sorry.