12 Oct I’m a Bad Christian.
It turns out that maybe I’m not so good at everything. In fact, I’m straight up bad at some things. The problem is that I’m quite proud of all stuff I do have together, so I often use my success to cover-up my failings. The reality is- I often suck…and especially at being a Christian.
Here’s just a few of my ‘award-winning’ behaviors:
- When there’s a talk about religion or God, I usually keep quiet and don’t provide my input without being asked directly…and even then, I’ll downplay my beliefs as to “not offend.”
- Not only do I zip it when God is the topic of discussion, I’ll go out of my way to avoid the topic completely. Sure, I’ll tell people about some of the great things my church has done and I may even invite them to a service, but actually sharing the Gospel? Nah, I’ll leave that for the pros.
- Run from temptation? Ha! How about towards it? I know full well where the line is (remember PRIDE!) and I know what sin is, but as long as I stay on this side and there’s plausable deniability, I’m good.
- People I agree with, people I know or respect, sure. I love them. And, oh, those that haven’t done me harm or maybe I don’t know at all, yep- love them too. And even those that are just flat out bad people, that haven’t actually affected my life directly…I kind of love them, cause that’s what God told me to do. But…cross me, tick me off, do something (even if for the right reasons) that I think is stupid….grrr!!! To be honest, some of the people I despise most are those Christians who I label as hypocrites…even though I’m fully aware that I’m a hypocrite myself.
So, I’m a dirty rotten scoundral, right? Right.
Well. That’s the bad news.
The good news is, I’m getting better. I’m healing. I’m releasing and cleansing and growing.
No, no, no that’s not the right way to say it, I’m not really doing anything…God is. God is releasing me of my arrogance. He is cleansing me of a heart that has many dark corners, and growing my trust and faith that He will deliver me from myself into something new.
God’s grace is sufficient for me when I’m a bad Christian…it’s sufficient when I’m bad and I don’t even want to admit it. But today, today is the day that I admit to my faults and look for His grace and love to fill in the gaps, to speak up and share my knowledge of His goodness, to proclaim the Gospel’s saving grace, to flee from tempation, and to love my brother…even if he is stupid.
God grant me the strength to be just a little better today.